girlfriend and GO :)

[noir2501]

I am 7 kyu now. I play GO for 2 years, but my first year was a bit slow. Made it from 18 kyu to 7 kyu last year. This required a great deal of work, time and money. But this is the smallest price one can pay for this passion.

The greatest challenge I have to face is (brace yourselves) my girlfriend. She is a constant challenge always complaining not giving her enough attention and she thinks I don't care about her (this is not at all true). She has the idea that when she is around I should ignore everything, not even talk with my friends, but devote my entire attention to her. She thinks I love GO and my go friends more than her.

This puts a great deal of pressure on me. I decided to tell her that this is a passion that she can't control and I would not give this up for anything in the world. She is not very happy about this and didn't talk to me for two days.

Is this a common problem among GO players?

[Severian596]

I think this is something that every couple must face with any past time or passion. To be honest, if "it's going to last" she'll have to accept this about you and the two of you will have to compromise. Try to meet in the middle somewhere so that you will have to share your time (between her and Go) and she'll have to share her time (between you and Go).

No matter what she will have to acknowledge that this is something that you care about and either a) work it out with you, or b) leave you. But if she refuses to acknowledge it at all she's being immature.

Good luck!

[jaimekaszynski]

It's important for you to communicate to her that you enjoy spending time with her. This means being focused on her when she's around and needs your attention. This means chosing activities that the two of you enjoy together. You can make time for Go in your life, but you also have to make time for your girlfriend if you are serious about her.

She may not take an interest in Go, but that may be because you aren't taking an interest in her hobbies either. Try spending time doing thing she enjoys, and you'll be able to ask her to spend some time on Go.

[alejo]

I have another, quite different, problem with my girlfriend and Go... She knows I like the game and she wants me to "enjoy" it, so she even bought me a couple of wooden bowls!!

And, as she knows I like it, she wants to play it with me.

There it comes:
If she plays against me face-to-face (she doesn't like handicap), she'll lose.
If I kill almost all her stones, she gets angry (obviously).
If I take it easy on her and she realises it, she gets angry.
If I take it easy on her and she doesn't realise it, she... well, it actually doesn't happen... because if I don't kill almost all her stones it's because I going easy on her...

If she takes handicap, she gets angrier (even more because of the handicap)

In the end: it's better not to play against her!! She is a terrible enemy!!

(I hope she doesn't read this)

[Nate]

LOL at alejo.

I'm slightly envious, as I've tried my damnest to get my fiancee into go, with no success.

Perhaps you need to manage her expecations? No one gets good at go without playing... alot.

[Velobici]

Originally Posted by alejo

I have another, quite different, problem with my girlfriend and Go... She knows I like the game and she wants me to "enjoy" it, so she even bought me a couple of wooden bowls!!

And, as she knows I like it, she wants to play it with me.
<snip>

You could try to create life and death problems on the board in the course of play and allow her the opportunity to solve them before you kill. If she is a real beginner, she may very rarely tenuki which makes this much easier. Concentrate on a single type of problem. Do your homework so you know what problems you want to create on the board. Then do it.

Example: Capturing three stones on the first line allows the capturing group to create an eye. Two stones does not provide enough space for an eye. Recognizing this and playing correctly in the local situation is the skill you wish to teach. Have two or three skills in progress at any one time.

Other items are: tripod group, L shapes, J shapes, anything in Davies Life and Death.

Good Luck

[Javaness]

Originally Posted by noir2501

The greatest challenge I have to face is (brace yourselves) my girlfriend. She is a constant challenge always complaining not giving her enough attention and she thinks I don't care about her (this is not at all true). She has the idea that when she is around I should ignore everything, not even talk with my friends, but devote my entire attention to her. She thinks I love GO and my go friends more than her.

This puts a great deal of pressure on me. I decided to tell her that this is a passion that she can't control and I would not give this up for anything in the world. She is not very happy about this and didn't talk to me for two days.

Is this a common problem among GO players?

You have to be honest about this. Tell her she is right, Go is more important

Personally, I met my girlfriend through Go, so I don't have this problem.

[sol.ch]

Originally Posted by Javaness

You have to be honest about this. Tell her she is right, Go is more important

Javaness wins for the best advice.

[GoCat]

Noir2501, it sounds like your problem has nothing to do with go. This is a classic male/female dynamic. really, it's a simple equation: She is setting paramemters for your relationship with her, as you are, too. If the paramters don't fit your requirements, then.... 'nuff said. Of course, you should talk it all through and see if either of you can willingly change your parameters.

[HKA]

Well, there are more variations here than in the taisha.

My experience informs me as follows.

First - you cannot play go with her. Not a good idea. It is great that she wants to learn - someone else needs to play her, and maybe teach her as well.

Second - it helps if you already play go when the relationship begins. Although everybody tells me I have a wonderful wife (she has been to over ten go congresses and does not play), crucial to the success of our relationship is the fact that I played go when we met. In fact, I played at a go club that met on Friday nights - a prime date night - and I kept going. I think it is much more diffucult if you are in a relationship and THEN develop this time sucking passion. Or, in the initial passion you dont play much for a month - and THEN pick back up on your 4 hour a night KGS habit.

Third - you must be flexible. My go life did not change much with marriage - but with a child - soccer games + horseback riding lessons = a lot less tournaments. Hopefully, though this is painful, it will be what you want at the time too.